As part of the ‘we are beautiful the way we are’ campaign I would like to send a message to all the ladies out there with similar stories to mine. Girls who have either been through different types of abuse, been groomed, seen their loved ones beaten physically, emotionally or both or experienced manipulation in many different levels. Not everyone know that all of these are part of my past and some people have hurt me or not accepted me for perhaps being a little harder on the outside and there are times when I have been defensive, critical and have come across unkind although this could have sometimes been put down to cultural differences and misinterpretations as well.
Today I want to speak to all of you ladies directly and tell you that none of it was your fault and that you are beautiful as you are and your scars make you mighty warriors. You are who you are for a reason and you don’t have to change into someone you are not just to be loved and accepted. You might come across confident like I do but you still need a lot encouragement and I know that underneath what some people interpret as hardness, there is so much gentleness and empathy, empathy that you were only able to learn because of what you have been through. You are able to listen and support others who come from difficult situations because you have been there and know what they are going through.
Perhaps you don’t feel that you are allowed to speak about your experiences, are afraid of rejection, blame yourself, feel guilty, don’t want to be a burden, have a fear of men/women or don’t want to put people from your past into a negative light, therefore you believe it’s better to stay silent. Dealing with past hurts isn’t easy and it can sometimes take years of grappling with what you have been through but in my experience, it’s important to talk and speak to at least a few people you trust and continue to bring your emotions into light so that you can grow and learn as a result and perhaps help others at the same time. You are not a burden and what you say matters.
There are people in the world who prefer to only hear the good and the positive and not deal with confrontation or the harder stuff in their lives but there are those that are able to really listen, love and forgive the other including all the little mistakes that they may make and continue to make. I believe that we often learn the most through our differences and by not trying to ‘make’ the other person into someone we are used to and feel comfortable with but accepting them and seeing what we can learn from them instead.
Our relationships can grow when we are able to listen without judgement and put ourselves in the other person’s shoes and by choosing to be honest and open even when it’s uncomfortable to do so. I am thankful to many people who have continuously listened to me, loved me and accepted me, spoke positive words of affirmation over me and showed me what selfless love is.
Every one of us makes mistakes, that’s just part of humanity and you don’t need to pretend to be someone else or to be perfect. People who are meant to be in your life, they will love and forgive you, stand by you and you will be able to grow and learn with them together. The world is a messy place and I wish that some things I haven’t experienced or seen and images in my head that I could just forget about and I wish the same for my loved ones. But I also know that God can use the ugly and the suffering for good and I have seen this come true time and time again. By willing to be vulnerable, God has freed me from so much pain and hurt and helped me forgive and forget but it’s a journey that I continue to be on.
Don’t waste your time on trying to fit in but focus on who God wants you to be and let Him use you as you are, alongside your past experiences as well. Even though you might have some scars on your wings, with Jesus you can learn to fly with freedom and strength and become the most beautiful, most colourful version of yourself. Recovery is not an easy journey but with God on your side, you already have victory and in His name you can push back your adversaries and rise and win your past battles and the battles to come. Don’t ever give up, with God on your side everything is possible.
You are loved beyond measure. I am here for you and want to be able to support you so please send me a message if you would like to chat.